How to feel confident in any situation

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything seems to be going your way? Perhaps you were in a client meeting and exactly the right phrases tripped off your tongue or you persuaded your boss to embrace one of your ideas. There may be other times when nothing you say or do seems to work and you feel like going back to bed and starting all over again.

The difference between these situations derives from your emotional state. We all have times when we feel confident, positive and optimistic and other times when we’re uncertain, anxious or frustrated. Most emotional states happen within us – often outside of our conscious awareness. We respond to things that happen around us by experiencing a particular state. The state we’re in is important because it not only affects how we feel, but also determines how we behave. When we feel confident, we act with boldness. When we feel apprehensive, we proceed timidly. When we’re in a ‘negative’, unresourceful state, we struggle with things we find easy to accomplish when we’re feeling strong and resourceful. Although we’re still the same person, our state makes all the difference.

Have you ever had the experience of trying do something, such as write a report or find the solution to a problem, and found it virtually impossible – only to have another go later, perhaps after a good night’s sleep, and find it easy and effortless. That’s the power of state – and one of the reasons certain states are highly sought after. Not only are they enjoyable, they’re also empowering.

Being able to access resourceful states such as feeling confident is important if you’re to have impact and influence. It’s all too easy to fall prey to ‘negative emotions’ such as frustration, anger and despair which can limit your ability to create a positive impression on others.

The good news is that you can programme your mind to create a positive emotion whenever you want. Recall a time when you felt uncomfortable and lacked confidence - a situation that got under your skin more than most and negatively affected your state of mind. Once you have a memory that fits the bill, step back into the memory, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, feeling what you felt, and answer the following questions:

• What were you doing? Who was there? What was happening around you?
• What were you feeling? Where was the feeling – in your stomach, your head, your chest?
• What were you saying to yourself within? Were you yelling or speaking quietly?Talking fast or slow?
• Spend a few moments becoming aware of how you create that particular state.
• Break your state by shaking it off 
• Now recall a time when you felt extremely comfortable and confident. Repeat the process.
• What are the differences between the two states?  For example: Was your self talk different? Was your tone of voice different? Were your feelings located in a different part of the body in the "negative" experience? Or were they simply different – warm vs cold, intense vs weak etc

When you practise this exercise you soon become aware of how you actually create your own internal responses for everything that ever happens to you. This process will help you create resourceful, effective and confident states and increase your personal impact.